She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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