friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
