sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
