sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
