did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Randomize
