I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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