my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
