My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize