it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
