I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
