You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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