why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
