dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
