I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
