you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
