I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
