Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
3pm strippers are depressing
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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