Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
