Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
