I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
