That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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