I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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