it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
