Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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