My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
