Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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