Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
