I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
