She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
