Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
