"it" just moved
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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