I'm lost and stupid without you.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
