I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
