Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
