ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
