i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
