And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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