Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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