i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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