I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
