Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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