I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
