K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
