I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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