Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
