Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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