i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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