I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The beer is more important than you right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
