I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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