Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Holy sore nipples Batman
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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